I am that Type A parent that writes in her kids baby books, and records every moment of their lives in her heart defining notebook.
I~ apparently am the type of mom that losses so called heart defining book. I have cried for days. No really~ sobbed until tears stopped coming out.
As many of you know, my family travels the country for my job which means we frequently move. Our last move a box got left behind somewhere. In that box was one of the most important material things I own......my journal.
I have written down my contractions from labor, their first words, first steps, and all of their medical information like illnesses and surgeries. All for 4 children! It was my 5 yr olds, progress through speech therapy and the time he first said "Mama" at 24 months. I remember my heart melting to the ground, as the tears flowed from the overwhelming joy.
More importantly, I wrote in the journal EVERY SINGLE DAY for 3 months as my daughter fought for her life in the NICU. It was the record of her struggles and triumphs. It was the feelings I had when I first saw her beautiful mouth without a ventilator tube. It was the anger and hopelessness I had when she stopped breathing. It was a list of all her cardiology appointments and therapy sessions. It was her growth. It is gone. Just gone.
I have called, and back traced. It is gone. All I can imagine now is my box rotting away with maggots in some landfill. OH THE AGONY!!
I simply can not remember it all- hence why I wrote it all down. I can't remember the first time the fourth baby sat alone or said her first word.
WHO DOES THAT?????
Any experience or words of encouragement here?