My friends are tired of our Autism.
I‘m not talking about the comments like “They seem less Autistic.” or “I know someone whos kid has it much worse than yours do.” Although those comments do make me want to hurt people.
I’m talking about the brush off. The “Get over it.” The silence.
Recently I was invited to a press junket in LA. I worked very hard for this invite and I wanted to go. I was very excited for the opportunity. But, of course, the twins don’t want me to go. They have a thing about separation.
For nights, the oldest, Jacey, had been up with an upset stomach. Crying, whining, and asking to go to the hospital.
At one particularly hard point, in the middle of the 2nd night of her upset stomach, I posted this on FB:
I kinda’ just had a moment. I needed to vent. I needed to be heard.
One response I got was one of those “We’re over it” responses. Something about ‘Sounds like a normal kid to me. I wish mine were still in that stage.’
Really? You wish you had a child that cries for hours and hours at a time because she is so anxious every time you leave her sight?
You wish you had a child that had anxiety so bad that she makes herself physically ill?
I’m not going to get into all of everything you just said you “wish” you could experience again. Because I doubt you ever experienced it in the first place.
And I doubt you really know what you’re wishing for.
But, I know what you’re saying. I hear you loud and clear.
“Shut up. We’re tired of hearing it.”
You have a right not to care. You have a right to be “tired” of hearing it.
But, you’re my friend. So, you’re going to have to deal with this~ I don’t know how else to say it.
Being the friend of an autism mom isn’t easy.
But please resist the urge to put your feelings into words.
You see, when I voice my frustrations, I’m not hurting you. I’m not insulting your intelligence or doing anything that will ruin your day. But, when you feel the need to slide in a comment, you’re hurting me. You’re breaking me down and tearing me apart.
And it’s already isolating to be a mom of kids with Autism. We’re already broken, tired, frustrated, upset and hurt.
We don’t need you to add on to that.